The one that may get away?

I sit here in a half empty room, with half empty glass of wine, realising that Im done. I am never going to fall for a guy ever again. Im done with boyfriends, Im done with casual dating, Im done with any type of relationship. I have ended up being hurt too much now. I wear my heart on my sleeve with is my own problem. I cant take my heart repeatedly being trodden on. Finally it felt like all three things in life were starting to fall into place. Job. Flat. Guy. Well, all three were going great until the guy started to become distant and push me away.

I understand that he has gone through a bad relationship in the past. But I am not his ex, and he should know that. I also understand that he has a lot going on in his mind, especially as he is about to finish uni and start working. So I gave him the space, I didn’t push questions or decisions. I don’t understand how two people can go from being so comfortable with each other one minute, to one not knowing what they want. And even worse, knowing that they cant put 100% into a relationship, but also not wanting to cut it off completely because they don’t want to regret it later on.

I mean, he can’t cop all the blame. I have always gone from 0-100 very fast in relationships, moving in with both my exes after 3 weeks. So from going from constant communication every day, to distance of god knows how many miles, I have found it super hard to not be needy. Whatever the situation, we talked last night and decided that we need space from one another for a bit. Who knows what path it will take. Time apart may be good for us, but it could also make us realise that it isn’t going to work. And if that’s the case, the only way to look at it is “Hey, life is just like that sometimes”

But at the moment, all I want is for him to be in my arms.

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